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Another One for the X-Files

Posted by intrepid_intern on 2006.07.19 at 11:03
The truth is out there.

Yesterday, the Campaign Academy had a close encounter with Admiral Bob "Not an Alien Cultist" Inman, former director of the NSA and former deputy director of the CIA. Some have also claimed that Inman was part of a government conspiracy to cover up the existence of UFOs, which I cannot comment on-- except to say that I, for one, was incredibly impressed with Inman: His list of extraterrestrial contacts is nothing short of astounding. (I'm so not kidding. Check his Blackberry.) However, Inman was hesitant to speak of his alien experiences, stating that they were, quote, "classified." When questioned further, he added that nosy, meddling kids could expect to be treated to, quote, "government-sponsored memory modifications."*

One subject on which Inman was not suspiciously evasive was that of foreign policy. He unflinchingly answered even our most probing questions on difficult issues such as China as an enemy, South America as our ex-backyard, and potential solutions to current UN troubles. I found Inman to be a thoughtful, engaging speaker-- even if he refused to tell us whether or not aliens were beaming him answers with their telepathic mind rays.

As Inman said himself, "I'm afraid that the answers to your questions are highly classified. Not that it will matter once we rule your silly planet."*

*For all you conspiracy theorists out there: This is what we in the biz call "NARRATIVE IRONY." Tom Cruise, please tell your lawyers to stop calling me.


(Anonymous) at 2006-07-21 03:53 (UTC) (Link)

Best post yet...

Elisa, you've outdone yourself.
- Mark
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